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I will NEVER live this down🤣🤦‍♀️ Hey, it was educational and I stand behind the techniques lol

AskMen AskMen's Dating channel offers you all the advice you need to become a Better Man in romance and relationships.

Ways Guys Scare Their Crushes Off
It started off pretty promising. You gave them your number. Maybe you even exchanged a few flirty texts. You were finally gearing up to ask them out and then — they went MIA. Now you’re left scratching your head about what you did wrong. Did you say something offensive? Did your jokes fall flat? Did you creep them out somehow? Or did you just come on too strong? The truth is, there are lots of ways that guys can scare their crushes off. “Finding the right balance in showing interest while dating is like walking a tightrope — you need to be attentive without being overbearing, and interested without seeming indifferent,” says Seth Eisenberg, a licensed PAIRS relationships skills trainer and president/CEO at PAIRS Foundation. “If you’re too reserved, the other person might think you’re not genuinely interested,” Eisenberg explains. “On the other hand, if you’re too forward or intense, it can come across as desperate or overwhelming.” “So,” he concludes,” the key is to engage with thoughtful gestures and communication that match the other person’s level of interest. Pay attention to their cues and adjust accordingly.” Everyone is different, so keep in mind that what draws in one person may be a total turn-off for another. Above all else, remember to be yourself — and eventually, you’ll attract someone who you’re genuinely compatible with. At the same time, though, experts suggest avoiding the following dating missteps that might drive your crushes away. RELATED: Common Dating Mistakes Men Make in the First Few Dates 1. Love Bombing “It may surprise you how many women get scared away when the man they are seeing love bombs them in the beginning,” says Sofie Roos, a licensed sexologist and relationship expert at Passionerad. More isn’t always better — and that’s true when it comes to showing interest and affection in dating, particularly early on. Overdoing it on gifts and grand gestures, also known as “love bombing,” can be a major red flag because it’s associated with manipulation. It doesn’t matter if your intention isn’t to shift the power dynamic in your favor — it may still send off alarm bells in your crush’s head. RELATED: Red Flags in a Relationship “Rushing into serious topics or making grand gestures early on can make the other person feel pressured or uncomfortable, like planting seeds and expecting a full-grown tree overnight,” says Eisenberg. “Instead, focus on enjoying the time spent together and let deeper feelings develop naturally.” So, if you’re calling your crush “babe,” planning elaborate getaways, or texting them around the clock after one hang-out, you may want to cool it. Even excessive compliments or intense talks about the future can be seen as love bombing during that early get-to-know-you stage. RELATED: Why Grand Romantic Gestures Are Total B.S. “Show that you want her, not that you desperately need her,” adds Roos. 2. Seeking Constant Reassurance It’s normal to feel a little insecure during the early phases of crushing on someone. After all, you haven’t really established whether their interest matches yours yet. But according to Eisenberg, many guys push their crushes away by over-seeking reassurance. For instance, this might look like repeatedly asking them whether they had a good time hanging out, or double texting when you haven’t heard back from your crush within an hour or two. This kind of behavior conveys a lack of confidence — and let’s be honest, nothing is unsexier. “Giving the other person space and maintaining a life outside of the relationship is essential,” says Eisenberg. “Trust that the connection will grow naturally if it’s meant to be, and avoid rushing or forcing communication.” RELATED: Signs the Person You're Dating Is Pulling a 'Slow Fade' That doesn’t mean you can’t text them a lot — doing so is perfectly normal in developing relationships. It just means that it is possible to scare someone off by texting them a bit too much, and paying attention to their rhythms of response and how often they start conversations is a good idea. 3. Talking About Yourself Too Much Next time you’re talking to a crush, pay attention to whether or not you’re dominating the conversation. According to Eisenberg, this can make the other person feel unimportant — not to mention, make you seem self-centered. “When men focus solely on their own experiences and achievements, women often find it off-putting,” explains Michael Sartain, a relationship and performance coach, podcast host, and founder of Men of Action mentoring. If your crush asks you a question, remember to pivot the conversation back to them after answering. And of course, when they take the time to share something about themselves, make sure to listen. All of these simple efforts can go a long way in showing that you’re a caring and attentive person — which makes you a more viable potential partner. RELATED: How Listening Will Make You Way Sexier “Showing genuine interest in the other person’s thoughts, feelings, and experiences creates a more balanced and meaningful connection,” says Eisenberg. 4. Pushing Boundaries Perhaps the biggest mistake a guy could make is assuming that when their crush says no to something, that’s an invitation to convince them or coerce them. RELATED: Setting Healthy Boundaries in Relationships “Ignoring or pushing boundaries is a surefire way to turn someone off,” says Eisenberg. For example, if your crush says they can’t text you during work, make sure to wait until you’re totally sure they’re out of the office before sending a message. And even if your crush doesn’t explicitly verbalize a boundary, Eisenberg strongly recommends paying attention to non-verbal cues like body language when you’re interacting with them. For example, if they suddenly cross their arms or start averting their eyes when you bring up a particular topic, that can signal that they’re uncomfortable. 5. Bringing Sex Into It Too Soon As much as sex may be on your brain — particularly if you’re super physically attracted to someone — experts recommend keeping that topic off the table for a bit. According to Roos, bringing up sex a lot while you’re getting to know your crush might scare them away. (And yes, that includes peppering an occasional eggplant or peach emoji into your texts.) Why is this a turn-off? For one, your crush might assume your one-track mind means you’re only interested in a casual hookup — which could deter them if they’re looking for a serious relationship. “Instead of making this mistake, you should climb the intimacy ladder first,” says Roos. “As a general rule, don’t start talking sex before you’ve been physically intimate in any way — say, making out. This will allow you to talk about it in a way that feels natural without unintentionally creating feelings of pressure or discomfort.” 6. Talking About Your Ex Speaking of topics to avoid with your crush, experts say talking about your ex is the ultimate kiss of death to any budding romance. According to Roos, bringing up your ex can send the message that you’re not over them, which is sure to scare someone away. On the flip side, if you’re bashing your ex every time you bring them up, they may find themselves wondering if you have trouble taking responsibility for your own actions. RELATED: Green Flags When Dating Someone New Talking about past relationships is normal, says Roos — but not necessarily when you’re first getting to know someone. If and when it does eventually come up, Roos says it’s important to maintain a balanced perspective rather than trash-talking your ex. This demonstrates a certain level of self-awareness and emotional maturity — both of which are universally attractive. You Might Also Dig: Dating Mistakes That Make Men Seem 'Thirsty'How to Text Your Crush and Get a Response BackDating Conversation Turnoffs to Watch Out For
May-06-2026

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Sep-27-2012

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